The other night my girlfriend and I were doing a healing exchange on each other, and afterward she asked if I had any other immediate family, besides my dad, on the other side because it felt like someone was trying to get my attention. Right away I answered no... except for a miscarried sibling from when I was pretty young.
That event, my mom's miscarriage, was hugely significant in my life, being a single point in my life where I can directly trace a line to the loss of innocence and of the feeling of safety. I've already done considerable healing around that experience, of seeing the two adults who were my omniscient protectors in charge of my safety and wellbeing in a position of helplessness and desperation. I documented this in my graphic novel "Little Brother," if you wish to learn more of the background of the story and the healing that took place. Apparently, however, there was more healing to be done.
During a pipe ceremony later that evening, with the help of my Upper World Teacher, Fred, I reached out to my spirit sibling to see if he were the one trying to call me. He was. I asked him what I should call him, and his response was "Terwilliger." Caught off guard by such a name, I asked if I could just call him "Will," which he good-heartedly agreed to. Later, when I was writing this account in my journal, a memory rose in my mind from childhood of my dad repeatedly using the phrase, "Holy Terwilliger!" Apparently the name was an inside joke, and was my dad's way of letting me know he was part of this.
I asked Will what it was he needed to communicate with me, and he told me that there was still a soul part from that original experience that needed to return home. He'd come to assist me in a soul retrieval.
For those not familiar with Shamanic Healing techniques, specifically Soul Retrieval, this is a
shamanic ceremony to literally retrieve parts of a person's soul, or psyche, that split off from the individual in self-defense to preserve themselves from the throes of the suffering of a traumatic event. In Western terms this 'soul loss' is called 'shock,' or 'disassociation.'
Will told me that, like everything else, this past event was not random nor by accident. There was purpose and meaning to it, as well as to the repercussions that rippled outward from it through my life. It was now time for that final piece of the puzzle, this last soul part, to return home to the whole and restore a better wholeness to my life. Full circle.
I started the Shamanic Journey app on my phone, and repetitive, booming drum beats filled the air. These drum beats, like the hoof beats of a horse, carried my brain into a trance were I rode them into the spirit realms, connecting with Sal, my salmon spirit guide who helps me in all the soul retrieval work I do. Together we rendezvoused with Will, who handed this shining pearl of life essence to Sal. As I'd done before as I did in my Little Brother comic, I took a puff off my sacred pipe then blew smoke along its length as I held it aloft for Sal to deposit the soul part into it. I then took another puff, drawing the soul part into my mouth along with the smoke, and blew it down into my heart chakra, and then another puff that I fanned over the top of my head and into my crown chakra.
The shift was instantaneous, and I felt safer and more present than I have in a really long time. The safety and innocence I had so long ago disconnected from had returned and was integrating into my current self - mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
As I sat there I realized I'd forgotten to ask if there were a Power Animal accompanying this errant soul part to help oversee the healing and integration process. I almost laughed out loud when the figure of a Shoebill Stork came into sudden focus in my mind. Shoebill is big, awkward, and goofy looking. He is, in my opinion, the Muppetiest looking animal on the planet. The lyrics played in my head, "Am I a man, or am I a Muppet?" from the Muppets movie of 2011. It was so perfect, especially coming on the heals of an earlier message from Odin who appeared during another ceremony and told me to "Trust my whimsy."
I am meant to stand out as my authentic, goofy self. I couldn't hide if I wanted to. Along with the whimsy came the message that, like Shoebill in his prehistoric appearance, there is a place in the current world for the old ways, the roots - for me. No matter how weird or strange it may seem to modern minds and hearts, Truth is Truth, and Truth never changes.
Welcome home little brother.
If you're interested in ordering my Little Brother graphic novel, you can do so from my Blurb.com store.
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